My Past Month

It seems like no matter what I do recently, I don't succeed. Everything feels like it's just been shut out and away from me, out of my reach. It's not even academics that is the problem, somehow I'm doing amazing at that without even trying. I made it my goal this year to get involved in more groups and do more activities, but it's been stressful. I'm in three different band groups. Did I ever mention that I play trombone? Well, I do. I'm in Trombone Choir, Trombone Ensemble, and Wind and Percussion Ensemble (which I didn't even make it into based off of my audition, I only got into it because it conflicted with someone's schedule). That's actually probably been one of the worst things that has happened to me. For the first few weeks back, I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. The band I was placed in (the lowest one) I wasn't able to do because of my schedule. It sucked, and still does. Every time that I practise nothing sounds right, I feel like I'm getting worse, even though I continuously practise because I want to get better so I'm not in this situation again. It's incredibly frustrating to have things not work out. But the thing that annoys me the most is that I'm reminded, every time that I step foot into band, of last Spring. I wish I could go back and relive that semester all over again, I wouldn't change anything. It was perfect, absolutely perfect. I'm scared that I'm living too much in the past to enjoy the present, but there's not much to really enjoy right now.

Charles (who also plays trombone) made it into the top Orchestra. I was very proud of him, and still am. But we broke up. I saw it coming. I didn't want us to break up, and I still despise the fact that we are apart. I miss him every day. It's awful because I've spent all my summer waiting for us to be together again, but once we were able to be together, we weren't. I need him now more than ever.

My old friends never talk to me anymore. Never. I only ever say hi to them whenever I see them. And I still haven't made any more friends. It just feels like everyone I know is moving on in their life and I'm just stuck, going absolutely no where.

I may not even make it into a committee for Model UN

I have to do a ton of work for a biking club, because chances are I'm going to be the president of it next year.

Don't even get me started on my work schedule

I don't know what to do.
My life just won't continue for some reason.
It's stuck.
And I feel stuck and lost

First Day in Norwegian

Just got back from my first day of Norwegian (yes, I'm learning how to speak Norwegian) and I'm upset.
VERY UPSET
So Charles, the guy I'm kind of seeing, just not publicly (that's a whole other story is in the class along with some other chick Ella who was in one of his classes last year. I remember that last year they had planned on taking Norwegian together, which upset me then and still upsets me to this day. I had already decided to take the class before I learned about this.
Anyway, I got there kind of early, and was anxious for him to walk into the class, because I figured that he had already forgotten that I was planning on taking that class. Which, if my intuition is correct, he did.
So he walks in, with her following right behind, walks right past me without even acknowledging me and proceeds to the farthest corner of the room.
The thing that upsets me is that he knew I was there, and continuously gave me some glances, but it was as if we didn't want to know that the other person glancing at them. It was strange...
I'm not really sure what to make of it.
When class was over I proceeded to rush out of the room as quickly as I can and head toward the caf where I ate alone, and I even saw them again in the caf.
For some reason I always think that an action of silence makes a point.

Well,  ha en fin dag

What my "friends" did to us at dinner

So me and my roommate, Elaine, were planning on going to dinner and thought that maybe some of our friends from last year would like to see us again. I've been tired from being cooped up for so long that I thought it would be nice to see them again (even though they aren't my favorite people in the world, but they certainly aren't the worst). Until maybe now.

Elaine texted one of them to see if they wanted to go to dinner, and she replied that she already had plans. Which, I mean is understandable and all.

Well, we then decided to go to dinner a little later. And guess who we see? All of our "friends" sitting together. I know they saw me, and they know that I saw them. And they did nothing. I still haven't heard from them.
That really makes me think that they had something against me as well. I knew they didn't like Elaine, but all of the things that they say about her are totally wrong from how I see her.

I really wished that I would have gone up to their table and confronted them.
It really would have felt great.
I'm so upset at them.
I kept telling myself that I was going to make new friends this year, and they are certainly making it easy.

Back at College

Well, I'm finally back at college and it's not exactly going how I thought it would be. It seems as though my "friends" that I had last year have abandoned me because they don't like my roommate, who was also one of their friends. I actually haven't been able to meet anyone new recently who has been a great friend to me other than my roommate. But now it's been the second day of just sitting around in my room doing nothing.
I told myself that this year was going to be different, that it would be more exciting, and that I'd meet new people and actually hang out and have fun.
So far, none of that has happened.
It sucks.
I know absolutely no one on my floor and haven't had anything to go to. It's so boring.
On the upside, I got callbacks for band auditions.
But that seems to be the only thing that's truly exciting.
It's really discouraging.

I like to be missed sometimes...

I just came back from a trip with some of my friends. I thought that at least maybe somebody would have something to say to me or some reason to contact me over that past four days, but nope.

No one tried to get, call, or message me in any way. My family didn't even try to get in touch with me. I thought maybe even Charles would, but he did unfortunately did not (even though I missed him a bunch). The only messages I had on facebook were from my sister who had hacked onto my account and posted that she was the best sister ever on it.
I was actually happy to come back and see that people had looked at my blog. And it seemed to be more people than usual, which made me pretty happy.
Which that is actually kind of sad.
I've come to the point where I need technology to prove my worth and how much people need or feel for me.
It's really sad once you think about it.

Co-ed dorms for the better?

I went on a camping trip this past weekend with a few of my close friends who go to different schools. One of my good friends, Carly, lived in a dorm last year that had co-ed floors and wings and is going to be an RA next year. And I'm the total opposite. Our dorms were separated by floors and wings. The floor I lived on was especially more secluded than the others because there was no connection between the two wings, whereas the other floors below us did connect. This made our group of about 25 girls especially more separated from everyone else.

Any way, we started talking about our college experiences, mainly our living situations and learned that being in a co-ed living space (having guys living on the same floor as girls) seemed to have less drama than and floor only having girls living on it or only exclusively guys.

There was A LOT of drama between girls on my floor last year (something I really hope doesn't happen again). It wasn't any face-to-face confrontation, it was just a lot of things unsaid that created a bias and prejudice against a group of people that is not like yourself.
I basically got wrapped up into one group because of the fact that I'm more of a geek than a preppy outgoing guy-drama filled lifestyle.

I generally try to never cling onto a type of clique or anything of that sort. I'd rather remain unbiased and accept everyone for who they are. 

But unfortunately I was stuck on a floor that had people who were less accepting of the other. I barely even said anything and yet I felt as though I was viewed as being someone I wasn't.

SO ANNOYING!!!

And then I heard about Carly's experience. And it's what I would have rather had.

There seemed to be no drama and clique-like behavior from the people she lived with, even though there were some distinction between geeks and jocks. But they all got along. No one thought that they had to live up to some expectation of what society or others felt they had to. They were just themselves. 

And that's when I started to really think that separating men and women creates even more drama than keeping them together. You'd think it'd be the opposite, but it's not!!!!

Maybe men and women are natural balancers and help tone down the drama that exists in exclusively one gender. 

Having that co-ed living situation seemed to bring about enough diversity between peoples that no more than two people were alike. And that seemed really nice. 

Well, here's hope to a better new year! (even though I still have to wait like a month)

What I love and What I like

Sometimes it seems as though no one I know really likes and cares about the same things I do.

-I get excited over the Tour de France (I'm from the United States where people would rather watch Football and untalented celebrities). - Biking is Freaking AWESOME!!!

And today was the last stage of the 100th Tour! How is that not COOL!?!?!

Congrats to Chris Froome!

When I start naming off professional cyclists, I get looks that suggest that I'm crazy. 

Andy Schleck will always be my favorite though

-I LOVE VIKINGS!!!! - Ok I'm a history nut and kind of obsessed with George Blagden, and not too many people I know really know about him (and his Awesomeness!!)

The other day there was a promo released for Season 2 (Which was Amazing!) and no one I know probably didn't even notice (even though I posted it on Facebook).

I'm totally obsessed and it feels as though no one I know knows anything about it!

I mean, come on! How is it that no one else I know is not obsessed with that!

-I love to crochet! I know that's kind of weird, and I know people do it. But not a lot of college girls I know would spend their friday nights crocheting

I'm fine with being different and unique, that's what makes me who I am!

But some understanding sometimes and similar interests between some people I know would be great as well. 

One of My Dreams

For a while now I've had this weird dream that I could be a writer. I'm not really sure where it comes from, but I've always wanted to make something incredibly captivating and something that I would be recognized and known for.
Sometimes when I get bored in classes I begin to think of stories, especially if they are connected to what we are talking about. Being a history and political science double major makes me really think about stories of the past and of the present. I LOVE combining the two!
Recently I can up with an amazing idea and I have not been able to put my pencil down, so many ideas have been coming to my head, and I may actually have an exciting interesting book at my hands!!!
Even though I've actually never gotten to the point of actually writing dialogue, I think I might be able to with this one!
Now all my friend needs to do is become an editor and I'd have everything set!

A Perfect Quote

"But who among us is perfect? Even the greatest strategists have their eclipses, and the greatest blunders, like the thickest ropes, are often compounded of a multitude of strands. Take the rope apart, separate it into the small threads that compose it, and you can break them one by one. You think, 'That is all there was!' But twist them all together and you have something tremendous."

-Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

A Quote Relatable to the Present

"It would seem that around these centres of mass-movement, the powerful machines, the huge horses of civilization devouring coal and spewing flame, the polluted earth trembles and splits open to swallow up the ancient dwellings of men and allow new ones to appear."

-Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

I personally, along with this thought, think that it is sad how technology over runs everything that is older. It removes us from a reality and forces us to accept another one. I guess that's what progress is then. 

I think that's why I like to visit different areas of time. Because those are the realities that I'd like to live in as opposed to the one I'm living in now. 

Herringbone Bulletin Board!

I absolutely LOVE this bulletin board! Cork board is REALLY easy to paint!
It adds so much to a room! (especially if that room is small, like mine)

The top photo is my inspiration, and the bottom is my creation

Check it out HERE

Bowtie Pillow!

So I made this pillow a little while ago and thought I'd share it with all of you!

Absolutely Adorable!

Here is the link to see where I got my inspiration and how I did it!

http://amelioratedstars.blogspot.com/p/bowtie-pillow-diy.html

I Think Too Much

To anyone who is listening,

I hate when I think too much.
I do it ALL the time!

It interferes with basically everything that I do. Almost every relationship that I have and any big event that I need to accomplish.
I really hate it.

So I'm in an undefined relationship with a guy I'm going to call Charles. And it's undefined because of the fact that I HAVE TO THINK THROUGH ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!!!!
UGH! I really drive myself crazy sometimes...
I'm absolutely hurting inside

Charles and I started our relationship around March. And I think I fell in love with the guy I knew in the first month and a half. He's was amazing and everything just seemed absolutely perfect.
It was because I wasn't thinking! He was a GREAT friend! And really started to be the only true friend I had at college. We're so much alike, and I think we've forgotten that. He understood everything, even how I felt.
I miss him. That guy that I knew those months ago.

But of course I had to go and mess it all up.

About a month into our basically movie dates Charles asked me if we could make our relationship public. And If you really know me, you know that I hate everything that has to do with gusshy gross relationships. I don't like people invading upon my personal private life (except you know, you guys who are reading this).
I've never had a public relationship, and that thought scared me.
Well, That is when I began to think.

I haven't stopped thinking about that question.
I've wondered what it would have been like if I hadn't thought.
And I really like what I thought up.

But now we've started to grow distant.
He texts me less and less
We don't skype as often as we used to
We live far away from each other, so this last month and a half has not helped.
I miss him
I miss the guy I knew
I feel as though I missed out on because I thought too much.

And I've taken soo much time to try to think of how to say to him how much he really means to me.
Whenever I've been with him I never get the courage to tell him
I REALLY REALLY REALLY Need to STOP THINKING!!!!
It's starting to really hurt me

The Pixar Theory

To anyone who is interested,

I found this the other day and thought that it was really interesting. I know that there are various different connections between pixar movies, but I didn't know that there was any sort of theory connecting a bunch of them.

Here is a  link to full detailed post about the theory that I found by Jon Negroni:

THE PIXAR THEORY LINK

Here's a short description of it (yes, this is the short description) I'd try to explain some of it myself, but this is easier:

I hope you found that interesting! Sorry that the image has small text!

It's be crazy if the world would actually be like this, wouldn't it?

When People are Unethical and Drive Me Crazy

I've been working for about a year at my job (which is not all that great considering I can't really get anything else, yay life as a college student). It's not the best place, but it is better than some. I know that's not real descriptive, but I'm not going to try to be.

Anyway...

Our place is always hiring because we never really get the best people working there. I'm the goody-good person because I don't drink or do drugs or anything of that sort. What a lovely place, right? Well, there have been new people, which I don't mind. But it drives me crazy how some of them are hired just because of the fact that they know people who work there or who have worked there. 

One person in particular drives me absolutely crazy. He graduated in the same class as me, from the same high school, and lives in the same neighborhood as me. He was hired a month ago, which was a little bit before I came back to work for the summer (I had already worked there the previous summer).
He is CRAZY slow at everything and continuously talks. I mean he DOES NOT SHUT UP!!
Always talking about how his dad is a director and how he didn't have good grades in school and how his dad now has a bunch of money and gets to travel anywhere he wants to every year for free. And then he goes on about his mom and what she does for a living. It's annoying. He's totally completely spoiled and basically BRAGs about it in front of all of us who are just trying to make it in this world. That's the other thing that drives me crazy. HE hasn't accomplished anything in his life. It's like his parents' accomplishments are his own. It's incredibly annoying. Plus, he is incredibly attached to them and they come visit him at work constantly. Because they are so proud of him. Please. Give me a break. He is an awful worker. A pretty nice guy. But an awfully slow, talkative, worker.
Well, now we are getting an new work schedule and guess what?
He is scheduled to have 29 hours
I have 25
and another worker who holds a similar title only has 19! And she has technically been there longer than the both of us! (even though I was hired before here) (sorry that doesn't make a lot of sense)
It's pretty unfair if you think about it because we are all in the same situation.
College students who will be leaving for the summer.
the General Manager at my work says that they are going to slowly get us out of the schedule so that the high schoolers they have will get more experience and hours when we are gone. Which is totally understandable. But then why does he have so much more hours when he just started working here, it's his first job, he is incredibly slow at it, not very good, and brings down the entire team?

Well, this is what he said to me:

"I got more hours because I've known the General Manager forever, He's basically like my brother."

WAY TO BE ETHICAL!!!

THAT'S PROBABLY WHY HE WAS HIRED AS WELL!!!

He has even hinted at the fact that the General Manager just offered him a job there, he didn't even apply.

Which that just really makes me upset.

So now I feel as though the General Manager is set against me while he goes and helps his fake "brother"

I really dislike a fair few of the people I work with. 

It just really drives me crazy that they can't see that that is unethical. 

No one should get advantages because they know someone. 

That's not how people should succeed in this world. 

People should be recognized for the work that they do, not the people that they know. 

I wish that I had enough courage to stand up to him in that moment and do something

but I didn't

I just suffered in silence like I always do

People just sometimes really drive me crazy.

Hartley's First Law

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action

also

You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you've got something

A Magical Quote

I absolutely love Harry Potter and have been recently re-watching all of the movies with my sister. (I'd rather re-read them, but that takes up too much time, especially when trying to read Les Miserables).
Anyway, I thought I'd share one of my favorite Dumbledore quotes:

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of time, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

-Albus Dumbledore, J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)

A Little Lovely Quote

"All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." 

-Walt Disney

Act like a Child

While working today I realized something that I find important, especially when you grow up. Especially when the fun seems to be sucked out of everything and you need to be responsible. (Don't get me wrong though, being responsible is important). However, sometimes it's best to just forget about everything and have a little fun.

While working my lovely part-time job at a lovely establishment that I wish I spent less time at, I decided to play with some soap. Just kind of splashing around in it with my hands. I just could not resist the wonderful foam that covered the water. It was wonderful! And I didn't have to worry or think about the fact that I was working or that I had greater responsibilities. I could just have fun. It was great!

It was then that I realized that I had been doing similar childish things the past few days. 

Two days ago, I went and played on a playground. It was probably the most fun that I had all week. I got to swing! When was the last time you went on a swing because you wanted to? It was so incredibly fun! 

Yesterday I went to the zoo with my friends. We were probably the oldest people there who were not adults supervising children. But it was so much fun! 

Children have it best. 

There is nothing that they have to worry about in the world, they can just have fun. 

I like that mentality

Of just having fun. 

And I'm going to just keep having fun, even if it is childish.

This also reminds me of a post that I did not too long ago titled The Little Things

A Quote I Always Love

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it's stupid."

-Albert Einstein

Dress to Skirt Refashion

Ok, so I'm prone to do a lot of crafts.
Actually, I love crafts.
This is my first successful refashion of a piece of clothing.
I took a wonderful dress and made it into a wonderful skirt. I'm pretty proud of it and I can't wait to wear it!

Check it out:
http://amelioratedstars.blogspot.com/p/ameliorated-stars-refashions.html

Money, Money, Money

About a year ago I realized how insignificant money is to life.

It plays a big role. But really money has no value.

At least to me.

I'd rather spend my life not worrying about money. Money will not rule my life. I'd rather have a million memorable experiences than a million dollars.

My Father on the other hand thinks otherwise. He would rather remain in the same spot his entire life and live comfortably with a bunch of money.
I can understand that viewpoint, and some people grow up with the concept that money is the most important thing. But it's not one that I want for myself, even though that is what my father wants for me.
I'm pretty sure we are complete opposites in mostly everything. Especially our values in life.
For years he would say that I should be a doctor and my sister should be a lawyer. When in reality I can't stand the thought of bones or muscles and my sister is fascinated with anything that includes tearing open something that is living or dead.
Everyone wants to be a doctor.
I'm not saying doctors aren't important, because they are extremely important and amazing.
But why is it that a doctor is what everyone is trying to achieve?
Money definitely factors into it one way or another.

In college, most of the people I know either want to be doctors or teachers.
I couldn't stand either of those jobs.
I'm not going to do something I don't like just to have money.
A job and a career is what you will be doing for the rest of your life. You might as well enjoy what you do.
I'd rather it be enjoyable as opposed to well-paid.
I don't care about having and holding onto a giant amount of wealth.
I want to see the world and have an experience instead of being cooped up somewhere as some housewife (no offense to anyone who is) unable to go out and live.
The earth is here for a reason and the things in it are too.
I might as well enjoy what it has to offer while I'm still here.

I'm not saying money isn't important, because it is.
But it should not define someone's life.
Greed is just awful.

I just don't even understand money. Numbers. Finances. They all make my head hurt. I just don't understand it.
Adam said if I wanted to go into international affairs, I should look into economics instead of history. That relationship is over.
I don't understand economics.
I love history.
I'm not going to do something that I don't like just because it gets me more money.
I just don't want to.

Money is not everything. Yet it drives everything that we do. Just like time.
Money will not rule my life.
Life will rule my Life.

The Little Things

For some reason, now more than ever, I have realized how important to little things are in life. It's not like I didn't know that they weren't important, it's just that their value has seemed to increase as I have grown older.
Maybe it's just because whenever I'm watching a movie or reading a book I feel as though everything seems to connect to my life.
But I guess that's what the authors, writers, and directors have in mind when they set out to create something.
Something that will reach the audience.
Some sort of theme that will make them think past the movie screen or the letters on a page.
What it truly means in their life.

While watching something as simple as a zombie movie you would not exactly expect to have some sort of touching moral story. Nevertheless, there always is one.
Zombieland
I have to say that I really do enjoy this movie. There's not really anymore you could ask for in a movie. It really has everything.
Out of the main character's rules for surviving Zombieland, one Rule #32 is added.
ENJOY THE LITTLE THINGS
It's something so simple and would seem to be something that people would easily forget in an apocalyptic situation. But too many people forget it in the real world today where there is less to be worried about other than the constant threat of a flesh eating disease that makes you have cravings for human flesh. Eww

Whether it is completely destroying a place

Or enjoying a twinkie

It is the little things that are the most important to value. It is those things that keep you alive and make you feel like you are living.

Crazy Nerdy Connection to The Great Gatsby:
Gatsby valued his grander vision of himself more than the little things. It wasn't enough to enjoy holding Daisy again. He couldn't appreciate the little things. That may have been the cause of his downfall.

So, Enjoy the Little Things. Don't get caught up in some grand vision. For it won't be what you remember and what you cherish.

I'm not telling you how to live your life. I'm only telling you of how I want to live my life. What I think will give me the greatest happiness.

A Quote to End the Day

This is a quote that I stumbled upon today. I feel as though it speaks some sort of absolute truth. Plus, I love statements that go against peoples' general expectations of the world. It shows that we don't have to conform to anything or anyone's idea of anything in order to be happy. We are the people who determine our own life and our own fate. Not those around us. 

"Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything the believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate."

-Rick Warren

Another Little Quote

"Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. We can find it, we can live it, we can be carried by it, we can work wonders with it, but we can not utter it or teach it."

-Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

The power of love

Why is it that saying "I love you" is so dangerous?

Is it too much of a commitment that saying those three words drives people away? I love so many things and so many people, why can't I tell them? I mean, I can. But generally people would probably overreact due to the power that those words hold in society.

I think saying "I love you" is not something someone should be scared of. Why is love something so protected and avoided?

I love you 

All of you

Even those who dislike me

And those who don't actually read this

I love you.

Why does saying it to someone have to be so difficult and something so socially constructed as difficult? 

It All Makes Sense!

The more a more I look and think about The Great Gatsby the more it makes sense. I'm not really sure why. It may be the concept of hope and love. I never felt as though I knew anything about love until now. Now that I've actually experienced it with someone other than my family. I've learned about loss and about holding on to an extraordinary sense of hope.
In the end it is all about letting go and moving on. You can't repeat the past, but you can look upon it. You can only create a future.

My Old Roommate

Dear Friends and Followers,

I don't know if anyone is actually reading what I write on here or not. Nevertheless, I'm still going to write.
My Old Roommate, I guess we can call her Michelle for the sake of remaining anonymous. I didn't understand her at all. For some reason she seemed to have some sort of prejudice against me from the start. I'm not really sure why, because all I did was be nice to her. I guess she started to question my judgement of things when I started hanging around Adam, who is more of a geek than a jock. Michelle in her feminist mind thought that I could do better. She was eventually right, but I'll get to that another time if I feel like it. I made the decision that my beliefs were stronger than those of a person that I just met a few weeks earlier. So I decided to go on my own path. I guess that's when things started to get distanced between us.
At first I thought that we had a lot in common due to the way we acted and how we thought. But we were probably too similar for our own good. That's the thing, for some reason you don't get along with people who are too similar to yourself because you have too much in common and you already know what the other person is going to say because you would say that yourself.
Yet she was so absorbed in her image and how others thought of her that I didn't feel as though she truly understood who she was. She stood in front of the mirror at least 10 times before she left the room, even if it was just to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. She was so concerned with how she appeared to others that she would ask either me or our other roommate, Kendra (mainly Kendra), if something she said or how she looked was fine and acceptable for how she wanted others to see her as.

Her image of herself consisted of someone who was always put together, consistently on top of everything, and always striving to be the nest in everything that she does.

I don't believe that there is one person who can fit that complete description. I believe that Michelle was probably truly the complete opposite of who she really was. I never felt as though I saw the true side of her, even though I lived with her for a full school year. You can't live through life pretending to be someone you are not. And yet you change depending on who you are with. I guess that different versions of yourself can exist, but they are all true to yourself. I wish people were confident in who they are, flaws and everything. I try my best to be myself. But my mind always stops me from speaking what I feel and what I think. 

At the beginning of the year she had a long set of pre-determined rules for our room that she had already decided upon probably before she even arrived here. Most of them were completely different to how I viewed college as. 

One of her first things was that roommates weren't obligated to be friends and that we could basically decide that on our own time. We weren't going to be friends. We were adults now so we shouldn't have to depend upon each other. I felt as though that was a stab at me because I had woken up them at least once in the previous week because we were thinking of doing something as part of orientation. I was only being polite. Both my roommates were against the idea of having a stranger, a friend of our roommates', sleep in their bed if they were gone. That's when I definitely knew that we were not going to get along. It showed me that they didn't trust anyone, not even their roommates. I don't understand why people can't trust others. What does that show about humanity? Will we live in a state of paranoia our entire lives?

Out of all of these rules that Michelle had, one of her most ridiculous was that private phone calls or skype sessions or whatever would be done in the hallway if someone in the room was studying. Now that seemed reasonable to me. It really made sense. Giving others the chance to study in peace without having to hear someone else talk while they were trying to concentrate. One of the first times I skyped with my friends back home I was out in the hallway like our roommate agreement and rules stated. However, that seemed to be a problem for Michelle. Apparently I was making to much noise for her to concentrate. She then proceeded to come out into the hall with a post-it note that said something to the extent of:

"I'm sorry, but I can hear you through the wall which is making it difficult to concentrate on studying. If you could keep it down, that would be great! Or you could go down to the social lounge. Thanks! :)" 

I ended up going down to the social lounge, Adam was there, and everything seemed perfectly fine. The irony of the rule that she made was the fact that she was the one who talked the most on the phone. Throughout the year she was constantly running out into the hallway because her phone would be going off. And she didn't have to because probably half of the time Kendra and I were watching something on our computers and not even thinking about homework or studying. It's strange how she made everything more difficult for herself. She probably didn't want to portray a bad view of herself to us.
I feel bad for her. I don't know how she does it, how she can live with that constant worry and seem to be completely fine. You can never judge a book by it's cover.
I wish her the best and hope she learns. Not just in knowledge, but also wisdom.

Wallflower

I'm starting to believe that I am a wallflower.

I hadn't heard of the term until The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I only really recognize that term with the book and movie. (I hate the fact that I saw the movie before the book. It's one of the things that I criticize about people. Then again, I did the same thing with Les Miserables. Don't forget, I can be a hypocrite sometimes). I don't really talk a lot and I don't really like participating. Most of the time throughout high school I was alone, except for my friends. I'm alone now sitting in my room content with the way things are. I guess I like it that way. 

It's a pretty flower, isn't it?

 I didn't realize it was an actual flower that clings to walls, but I guess that makes sense. 

The thing that has most resonated with me though is the quote said about Wallflowers in the book, 

I feel the most connected to this. I always seem to understand people, even when they don't understand themselves. Even though I don't even understand myself. I guess it's hard for someone to understand a Wallflower, considering the keep quiet. 

I've never really told any of my friends about things that I have started to write here. And yet I'm trusting in a complete stranger. Kind of like Charlie. 

I guess even though it is difficult to understand the things men do, it is easiest when approached from the outside. 

I seem to notice everything. And I never tell anyone. 

Then again, I've never really seen anything too important or crucial to really tell. 

But I do have a lot to say, which most people don't seem to notice.

So here is where I am going to write what I have to say. 

Experiences outside of the computer

To those who wish to read this, 

Looking around at the people I know, and me myself, I wish that we would go outside more often. It's as if the internet and security of our homes has brought us into a life that is indoors.

I say that technology has ruined us, and has taken me along with it. (obviously because I now started a blog that I've been working on all day). 

Biologically, humans are not meant to sit inside at a computer all day. Why is it then that we do it? Why does the internet have to be so captivating? 

I don't want to live my life around a computer. To me, that's not living. 

The friends I made my first year of college would every weekend sit around the tv and look at their computers. It was probably fun for a few weeks. But eventually I realized that we weren't having an experience at all. We didn't even know what was going on outside of our college life. Our life of sitting inside a dorm and doing basically nothing. I missed intellectual conversations I used to have with my friends at home. I felt as though I hadn't learned anything about myself or anyone other than the fact that they liked sitting around the computer and tv all day.

Do all people do this? What has happened to society? (Then again I can't really say much because I have been raised into this developing technological world). 

The majority of them had smart phones, whenever we were at dinner they would just go to their phones if nothing was being said. I don't even own a smartphone, and yet it is now a common assumption that everyone has one. I have to say, my life is definitely better without one. 

It wasn't until my last weekend of my first year of college that I realized what a waste that my "friends" were putting into their college experience. My college is absolutely beautiful. There are numerous outdoor recreational activities to do, I had done none and my "friends" weren't even interested in seriously committing to an outdoor activity. They would have rather criticized the world from the security of their dorm than go out and see the world. My current roommate, who is also in this group of friends, and I were the only ones to really seem to understand this. We went on a walk to go see a movie one night and as we were walking back to campus we realized that we didn't want to walk back up to our room and just sit there. It was too beautiful of a night to do that. So, my friend (being well educated in the constellations of the sky) suggested that we should just go lie somewhere and stargaze. 

And so we went. 

It was beautiful. Where I am now, the city lights would cast a haze over the beautiful night sky. It was only there that I was able to see its beauty. (Not that I haven't seen it before, because I have, it's just that I hadn't seen the beauty of the night sky in a long time). The farther that we went from the lights of campus, the closer we got to seeing the wonders of the night sky. My friend pointed out the constellations that we could visibly see. We talked about our up coming finals, how frustrating some of our professors are, and how we wish we could just stay where we were and be at peace. But that's the thing. You can't just hide forever with your head in the clouds and your heart among the stars. Yet you can. Only for a moment. But it was that moment, where time didn't matter and all stress went away, that you really find something about yourself. I can assure you that is something that you will not experience from a computer or a movie. You won't learn anything, or have any stories to tell unless you step outside and live. 

That night we vowed to go outside and do something different every Friday. To get away from the stress and live. 

I'm sure we'll keep that promise.