What my "friends" did to us at dinner

So me and my roommate, Elaine, were planning on going to dinner and thought that maybe some of our friends from last year would like to see us again. I've been tired from being cooped up for so long that I thought it would be nice to see them again (even though they aren't my favorite people in the world, but they certainly aren't the worst). Until maybe now.

Elaine texted one of them to see if they wanted to go to dinner, and she replied that she already had plans. Which, I mean is understandable and all.

Well, we then decided to go to dinner a little later. And guess who we see? All of our "friends" sitting together. I know they saw me, and they know that I saw them. And they did nothing. I still haven't heard from them.
That really makes me think that they had something against me as well. I knew they didn't like Elaine, but all of the things that they say about her are totally wrong from how I see her.

I really wished that I would have gone up to their table and confronted them.
It really would have felt great.
I'm so upset at them.
I kept telling myself that I was going to make new friends this year, and they are certainly making it easy.

When People are Unethical and Drive Me Crazy

I've been working for about a year at my job (which is not all that great considering I can't really get anything else, yay life as a college student). It's not the best place, but it is better than some. I know that's not real descriptive, but I'm not going to try to be.

Anyway...

Our place is always hiring because we never really get the best people working there. I'm the goody-good person because I don't drink or do drugs or anything of that sort. What a lovely place, right? Well, there have been new people, which I don't mind. But it drives me crazy how some of them are hired just because of the fact that they know people who work there or who have worked there. 

One person in particular drives me absolutely crazy. He graduated in the same class as me, from the same high school, and lives in the same neighborhood as me. He was hired a month ago, which was a little bit before I came back to work for the summer (I had already worked there the previous summer).
He is CRAZY slow at everything and continuously talks. I mean he DOES NOT SHUT UP!!
Always talking about how his dad is a director and how he didn't have good grades in school and how his dad now has a bunch of money and gets to travel anywhere he wants to every year for free. And then he goes on about his mom and what she does for a living. It's annoying. He's totally completely spoiled and basically BRAGs about it in front of all of us who are just trying to make it in this world. That's the other thing that drives me crazy. HE hasn't accomplished anything in his life. It's like his parents' accomplishments are his own. It's incredibly annoying. Plus, he is incredibly attached to them and they come visit him at work constantly. Because they are so proud of him. Please. Give me a break. He is an awful worker. A pretty nice guy. But an awfully slow, talkative, worker.
Well, now we are getting an new work schedule and guess what?
He is scheduled to have 29 hours
I have 25
and another worker who holds a similar title only has 19! And she has technically been there longer than the both of us! (even though I was hired before here) (sorry that doesn't make a lot of sense)
It's pretty unfair if you think about it because we are all in the same situation.
College students who will be leaving for the summer.
the General Manager at my work says that they are going to slowly get us out of the schedule so that the high schoolers they have will get more experience and hours when we are gone. Which is totally understandable. But then why does he have so much more hours when he just started working here, it's his first job, he is incredibly slow at it, not very good, and brings down the entire team?

Well, this is what he said to me:

"I got more hours because I've known the General Manager forever, He's basically like my brother."

WAY TO BE ETHICAL!!!

THAT'S PROBABLY WHY HE WAS HIRED AS WELL!!!

He has even hinted at the fact that the General Manager just offered him a job there, he didn't even apply.

Which that just really makes me upset.

So now I feel as though the General Manager is set against me while he goes and helps his fake "brother"

I really dislike a fair few of the people I work with. 

It just really drives me crazy that they can't see that that is unethical. 

No one should get advantages because they know someone. 

That's not how people should succeed in this world. 

People should be recognized for the work that they do, not the people that they know. 

I wish that I had enough courage to stand up to him in that moment and do something

but I didn't

I just suffered in silence like I always do

People just sometimes really drive me crazy.

Act like a Child

While working today I realized something that I find important, especially when you grow up. Especially when the fun seems to be sucked out of everything and you need to be responsible. (Don't get me wrong though, being responsible is important). However, sometimes it's best to just forget about everything and have a little fun.

While working my lovely part-time job at a lovely establishment that I wish I spent less time at, I decided to play with some soap. Just kind of splashing around in it with my hands. I just could not resist the wonderful foam that covered the water. It was wonderful! And I didn't have to worry or think about the fact that I was working or that I had greater responsibilities. I could just have fun. It was great!

It was then that I realized that I had been doing similar childish things the past few days. 

Two days ago, I went and played on a playground. It was probably the most fun that I had all week. I got to swing! When was the last time you went on a swing because you wanted to? It was so incredibly fun! 

Yesterday I went to the zoo with my friends. We were probably the oldest people there who were not adults supervising children. But it was so much fun! 

Children have it best. 

There is nothing that they have to worry about in the world, they can just have fun. 

I like that mentality

Of just having fun. 

And I'm going to just keep having fun, even if it is childish.

This also reminds me of a post that I did not too long ago titled The Little Things

Money, Money, Money

About a year ago I realized how insignificant money is to life.

It plays a big role. But really money has no value.

At least to me.

I'd rather spend my life not worrying about money. Money will not rule my life. I'd rather have a million memorable experiences than a million dollars.

My Father on the other hand thinks otherwise. He would rather remain in the same spot his entire life and live comfortably with a bunch of money.
I can understand that viewpoint, and some people grow up with the concept that money is the most important thing. But it's not one that I want for myself, even though that is what my father wants for me.
I'm pretty sure we are complete opposites in mostly everything. Especially our values in life.
For years he would say that I should be a doctor and my sister should be a lawyer. When in reality I can't stand the thought of bones or muscles and my sister is fascinated with anything that includes tearing open something that is living or dead.
Everyone wants to be a doctor.
I'm not saying doctors aren't important, because they are extremely important and amazing.
But why is it that a doctor is what everyone is trying to achieve?
Money definitely factors into it one way or another.

In college, most of the people I know either want to be doctors or teachers.
I couldn't stand either of those jobs.
I'm not going to do something I don't like just to have money.
A job and a career is what you will be doing for the rest of your life. You might as well enjoy what you do.
I'd rather it be enjoyable as opposed to well-paid.
I don't care about having and holding onto a giant amount of wealth.
I want to see the world and have an experience instead of being cooped up somewhere as some housewife (no offense to anyone who is) unable to go out and live.
The earth is here for a reason and the things in it are too.
I might as well enjoy what it has to offer while I'm still here.

I'm not saying money isn't important, because it is.
But it should not define someone's life.
Greed is just awful.

I just don't even understand money. Numbers. Finances. They all make my head hurt. I just don't understand it.
Adam said if I wanted to go into international affairs, I should look into economics instead of history. That relationship is over.
I don't understand economics.
I love history.
I'm not going to do something that I don't like just because it gets me more money.
I just don't want to.

Money is not everything. Yet it drives everything that we do. Just like time.
Money will not rule my life.
Life will rule my Life.

A Quote to End the Day

This is a quote that I stumbled upon today. I feel as though it speaks some sort of absolute truth. Plus, I love statements that go against peoples' general expectations of the world. It shows that we don't have to conform to anything or anyone's idea of anything in order to be happy. We are the people who determine our own life and our own fate. Not those around us. 

"Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything the believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate."

-Rick Warren

My Old Roommate

Dear Friends and Followers,

I don't know if anyone is actually reading what I write on here or not. Nevertheless, I'm still going to write.
My Old Roommate, I guess we can call her Michelle for the sake of remaining anonymous. I didn't understand her at all. For some reason she seemed to have some sort of prejudice against me from the start. I'm not really sure why, because all I did was be nice to her. I guess she started to question my judgement of things when I started hanging around Adam, who is more of a geek than a jock. Michelle in her feminist mind thought that I could do better. She was eventually right, but I'll get to that another time if I feel like it. I made the decision that my beliefs were stronger than those of a person that I just met a few weeks earlier. So I decided to go on my own path. I guess that's when things started to get distanced between us.
At first I thought that we had a lot in common due to the way we acted and how we thought. But we were probably too similar for our own good. That's the thing, for some reason you don't get along with people who are too similar to yourself because you have too much in common and you already know what the other person is going to say because you would say that yourself.
Yet she was so absorbed in her image and how others thought of her that I didn't feel as though she truly understood who she was. She stood in front of the mirror at least 10 times before she left the room, even if it was just to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. She was so concerned with how she appeared to others that she would ask either me or our other roommate, Kendra (mainly Kendra), if something she said or how she looked was fine and acceptable for how she wanted others to see her as.

Her image of herself consisted of someone who was always put together, consistently on top of everything, and always striving to be the nest in everything that she does.

I don't believe that there is one person who can fit that complete description. I believe that Michelle was probably truly the complete opposite of who she really was. I never felt as though I saw the true side of her, even though I lived with her for a full school year. You can't live through life pretending to be someone you are not. And yet you change depending on who you are with. I guess that different versions of yourself can exist, but they are all true to yourself. I wish people were confident in who they are, flaws and everything. I try my best to be myself. But my mind always stops me from speaking what I feel and what I think. 

At the beginning of the year she had a long set of pre-determined rules for our room that she had already decided upon probably before she even arrived here. Most of them were completely different to how I viewed college as. 

One of her first things was that roommates weren't obligated to be friends and that we could basically decide that on our own time. We weren't going to be friends. We were adults now so we shouldn't have to depend upon each other. I felt as though that was a stab at me because I had woken up them at least once in the previous week because we were thinking of doing something as part of orientation. I was only being polite. Both my roommates were against the idea of having a stranger, a friend of our roommates', sleep in their bed if they were gone. That's when I definitely knew that we were not going to get along. It showed me that they didn't trust anyone, not even their roommates. I don't understand why people can't trust others. What does that show about humanity? Will we live in a state of paranoia our entire lives?

Out of all of these rules that Michelle had, one of her most ridiculous was that private phone calls or skype sessions or whatever would be done in the hallway if someone in the room was studying. Now that seemed reasonable to me. It really made sense. Giving others the chance to study in peace without having to hear someone else talk while they were trying to concentrate. One of the first times I skyped with my friends back home I was out in the hallway like our roommate agreement and rules stated. However, that seemed to be a problem for Michelle. Apparently I was making to much noise for her to concentrate. She then proceeded to come out into the hall with a post-it note that said something to the extent of:

"I'm sorry, but I can hear you through the wall which is making it difficult to concentrate on studying. If you could keep it down, that would be great! Or you could go down to the social lounge. Thanks! :)" 

I ended up going down to the social lounge, Adam was there, and everything seemed perfectly fine. The irony of the rule that she made was the fact that she was the one who talked the most on the phone. Throughout the year she was constantly running out into the hallway because her phone would be going off. And she didn't have to because probably half of the time Kendra and I were watching something on our computers and not even thinking about homework or studying. It's strange how she made everything more difficult for herself. She probably didn't want to portray a bad view of herself to us.
I feel bad for her. I don't know how she does it, how she can live with that constant worry and seem to be completely fine. You can never judge a book by it's cover.
I wish her the best and hope she learns. Not just in knowledge, but also wisdom.

Wallflower

I'm starting to believe that I am a wallflower.

I hadn't heard of the term until The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I only really recognize that term with the book and movie. (I hate the fact that I saw the movie before the book. It's one of the things that I criticize about people. Then again, I did the same thing with Les Miserables. Don't forget, I can be a hypocrite sometimes). I don't really talk a lot and I don't really like participating. Most of the time throughout high school I was alone, except for my friends. I'm alone now sitting in my room content with the way things are. I guess I like it that way. 

It's a pretty flower, isn't it?

 I didn't realize it was an actual flower that clings to walls, but I guess that makes sense. 

The thing that has most resonated with me though is the quote said about Wallflowers in the book, 

I feel the most connected to this. I always seem to understand people, even when they don't understand themselves. Even though I don't even understand myself. I guess it's hard for someone to understand a Wallflower, considering the keep quiet. 

I've never really told any of my friends about things that I have started to write here. And yet I'm trusting in a complete stranger. Kind of like Charlie. 

I guess even though it is difficult to understand the things men do, it is easiest when approached from the outside. 

I seem to notice everything. And I never tell anyone. 

Then again, I've never really seen anything too important or crucial to really tell. 

But I do have a lot to say, which most people don't seem to notice.

So here is where I am going to write what I have to say.