First Day in Norwegian

Just got back from my first day of Norwegian (yes, I'm learning how to speak Norwegian) and I'm upset.
VERY UPSET
So Charles, the guy I'm kind of seeing, just not publicly (that's a whole other story is in the class along with some other chick Ella who was in one of his classes last year. I remember that last year they had planned on taking Norwegian together, which upset me then and still upsets me to this day. I had already decided to take the class before I learned about this.
Anyway, I got there kind of early, and was anxious for him to walk into the class, because I figured that he had already forgotten that I was planning on taking that class. Which, if my intuition is correct, he did.
So he walks in, with her following right behind, walks right past me without even acknowledging me and proceeds to the farthest corner of the room.
The thing that upsets me is that he knew I was there, and continuously gave me some glances, but it was as if we didn't want to know that the other person glancing at them. It was strange...
I'm not really sure what to make of it.
When class was over I proceeded to rush out of the room as quickly as I can and head toward the caf where I ate alone, and I even saw them again in the caf.
For some reason I always think that an action of silence makes a point.

Well,  ha en fin dag

I like to be missed sometimes...

I just came back from a trip with some of my friends. I thought that at least maybe somebody would have something to say to me or some reason to contact me over that past four days, but nope.

No one tried to get, call, or message me in any way. My family didn't even try to get in touch with me. I thought maybe even Charles would, but he did unfortunately did not (even though I missed him a bunch). The only messages I had on facebook were from my sister who had hacked onto my account and posted that she was the best sister ever on it.
I was actually happy to come back and see that people had looked at my blog. And it seemed to be more people than usual, which made me pretty happy.
Which that is actually kind of sad.
I've come to the point where I need technology to prove my worth and how much people need or feel for me.
It's really sad once you think about it.

I Think Too Much

To anyone who is listening,

I hate when I think too much.
I do it ALL the time!

It interferes with basically everything that I do. Almost every relationship that I have and any big event that I need to accomplish.
I really hate it.

So I'm in an undefined relationship with a guy I'm going to call Charles. And it's undefined because of the fact that I HAVE TO THINK THROUGH ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!!!!
UGH! I really drive myself crazy sometimes...
I'm absolutely hurting inside

Charles and I started our relationship around March. And I think I fell in love with the guy I knew in the first month and a half. He's was amazing and everything just seemed absolutely perfect.
It was because I wasn't thinking! He was a GREAT friend! And really started to be the only true friend I had at college. We're so much alike, and I think we've forgotten that. He understood everything, even how I felt.
I miss him. That guy that I knew those months ago.

But of course I had to go and mess it all up.

About a month into our basically movie dates Charles asked me if we could make our relationship public. And If you really know me, you know that I hate everything that has to do with gusshy gross relationships. I don't like people invading upon my personal private life (except you know, you guys who are reading this).
I've never had a public relationship, and that thought scared me.
Well, That is when I began to think.

I haven't stopped thinking about that question.
I've wondered what it would have been like if I hadn't thought.
And I really like what I thought up.

But now we've started to grow distant.
He texts me less and less
We don't skype as often as we used to
We live far away from each other, so this last month and a half has not helped.
I miss him
I miss the guy I knew
I feel as though I missed out on because I thought too much.

And I've taken soo much time to try to think of how to say to him how much he really means to me.
Whenever I've been with him I never get the courage to tell him
I REALLY REALLY REALLY Need to STOP THINKING!!!!
It's starting to really hurt me

A Magical Quote

I absolutely love Harry Potter and have been recently re-watching all of the movies with my sister. (I'd rather re-read them, but that takes up too much time, especially when trying to read Les Miserables).
Anyway, I thought I'd share one of my favorite Dumbledore quotes:

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of time, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

-Albus Dumbledore, J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)

Act like a Child

While working today I realized something that I find important, especially when you grow up. Especially when the fun seems to be sucked out of everything and you need to be responsible. (Don't get me wrong though, being responsible is important). However, sometimes it's best to just forget about everything and have a little fun.

While working my lovely part-time job at a lovely establishment that I wish I spent less time at, I decided to play with some soap. Just kind of splashing around in it with my hands. I just could not resist the wonderful foam that covered the water. It was wonderful! And I didn't have to worry or think about the fact that I was working or that I had greater responsibilities. I could just have fun. It was great!

It was then that I realized that I had been doing similar childish things the past few days. 

Two days ago, I went and played on a playground. It was probably the most fun that I had all week. I got to swing! When was the last time you went on a swing because you wanted to? It was so incredibly fun! 

Yesterday I went to the zoo with my friends. We were probably the oldest people there who were not adults supervising children. But it was so much fun! 

Children have it best. 

There is nothing that they have to worry about in the world, they can just have fun. 

I like that mentality

Of just having fun. 

And I'm going to just keep having fun, even if it is childish.

This also reminds me of a post that I did not too long ago titled The Little Things

A Quote I Always Love

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it's stupid."

-Albert Einstein

Money, Money, Money

About a year ago I realized how insignificant money is to life.

It plays a big role. But really money has no value.

At least to me.

I'd rather spend my life not worrying about money. Money will not rule my life. I'd rather have a million memorable experiences than a million dollars.

My Father on the other hand thinks otherwise. He would rather remain in the same spot his entire life and live comfortably with a bunch of money.
I can understand that viewpoint, and some people grow up with the concept that money is the most important thing. But it's not one that I want for myself, even though that is what my father wants for me.
I'm pretty sure we are complete opposites in mostly everything. Especially our values in life.
For years he would say that I should be a doctor and my sister should be a lawyer. When in reality I can't stand the thought of bones or muscles and my sister is fascinated with anything that includes tearing open something that is living or dead.
Everyone wants to be a doctor.
I'm not saying doctors aren't important, because they are extremely important and amazing.
But why is it that a doctor is what everyone is trying to achieve?
Money definitely factors into it one way or another.

In college, most of the people I know either want to be doctors or teachers.
I couldn't stand either of those jobs.
I'm not going to do something I don't like just to have money.
A job and a career is what you will be doing for the rest of your life. You might as well enjoy what you do.
I'd rather it be enjoyable as opposed to well-paid.
I don't care about having and holding onto a giant amount of wealth.
I want to see the world and have an experience instead of being cooped up somewhere as some housewife (no offense to anyone who is) unable to go out and live.
The earth is here for a reason and the things in it are too.
I might as well enjoy what it has to offer while I'm still here.

I'm not saying money isn't important, because it is.
But it should not define someone's life.
Greed is just awful.

I just don't even understand money. Numbers. Finances. They all make my head hurt. I just don't understand it.
Adam said if I wanted to go into international affairs, I should look into economics instead of history. That relationship is over.
I don't understand economics.
I love history.
I'm not going to do something that I don't like just because it gets me more money.
I just don't want to.

Money is not everything. Yet it drives everything that we do. Just like time.
Money will not rule my life.
Life will rule my Life.

A Quote to End the Day

This is a quote that I stumbled upon today. I feel as though it speaks some sort of absolute truth. Plus, I love statements that go against peoples' general expectations of the world. It shows that we don't have to conform to anything or anyone's idea of anything in order to be happy. We are the people who determine our own life and our own fate. Not those around us. 

"Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything the believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate."

-Rick Warren

The power of love

Why is it that saying "I love you" is so dangerous?

Is it too much of a commitment that saying those three words drives people away? I love so many things and so many people, why can't I tell them? I mean, I can. But generally people would probably overreact due to the power that those words hold in society.

I think saying "I love you" is not something someone should be scared of. Why is love something so protected and avoided?

I love you 

All of you

Even those who dislike me

And those who don't actually read this

I love you.

Why does saying it to someone have to be so difficult and something so socially constructed as difficult?