I Think Too Much

To anyone who is listening,

I hate when I think too much.
I do it ALL the time!

It interferes with basically everything that I do. Almost every relationship that I have and any big event that I need to accomplish.
I really hate it.

So I'm in an undefined relationship with a guy I'm going to call Charles. And it's undefined because of the fact that I HAVE TO THINK THROUGH ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!!!!
UGH! I really drive myself crazy sometimes...
I'm absolutely hurting inside

Charles and I started our relationship around March. And I think I fell in love with the guy I knew in the first month and a half. He's was amazing and everything just seemed absolutely perfect.
It was because I wasn't thinking! He was a GREAT friend! And really started to be the only true friend I had at college. We're so much alike, and I think we've forgotten that. He understood everything, even how I felt.
I miss him. That guy that I knew those months ago.

But of course I had to go and mess it all up.

About a month into our basically movie dates Charles asked me if we could make our relationship public. And If you really know me, you know that I hate everything that has to do with gusshy gross relationships. I don't like people invading upon my personal private life (except you know, you guys who are reading this).
I've never had a public relationship, and that thought scared me.
Well, That is when I began to think.

I haven't stopped thinking about that question.
I've wondered what it would have been like if I hadn't thought.
And I really like what I thought up.

But now we've started to grow distant.
He texts me less and less
We don't skype as often as we used to
We live far away from each other, so this last month and a half has not helped.
I miss him
I miss the guy I knew
I feel as though I missed out on because I thought too much.

And I've taken soo much time to try to think of how to say to him how much he really means to me.
Whenever I've been with him I never get the courage to tell him
I REALLY REALLY REALLY Need to STOP THINKING!!!!
It's starting to really hurt me