My Past Month

It seems like no matter what I do recently, I don't succeed. Everything feels like it's just been shut out and away from me, out of my reach. It's not even academics that is the problem, somehow I'm doing amazing at that without even trying. I made it my goal this year to get involved in more groups and do more activities, but it's been stressful. I'm in three different band groups. Did I ever mention that I play trombone? Well, I do. I'm in Trombone Choir, Trombone Ensemble, and Wind and Percussion Ensemble (which I didn't even make it into based off of my audition, I only got into it because it conflicted with someone's schedule). That's actually probably been one of the worst things that has happened to me. For the first few weeks back, I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. The band I was placed in (the lowest one) I wasn't able to do because of my schedule. It sucked, and still does. Every time that I practise nothing sounds right, I feel like I'm getting worse, even though I continuously practise because I want to get better so I'm not in this situation again. It's incredibly frustrating to have things not work out. But the thing that annoys me the most is that I'm reminded, every time that I step foot into band, of last Spring. I wish I could go back and relive that semester all over again, I wouldn't change anything. It was perfect, absolutely perfect. I'm scared that I'm living too much in the past to enjoy the present, but there's not much to really enjoy right now.

Charles (who also plays trombone) made it into the top Orchestra. I was very proud of him, and still am. But we broke up. I saw it coming. I didn't want us to break up, and I still despise the fact that we are apart. I miss him every day. It's awful because I've spent all my summer waiting for us to be together again, but once we were able to be together, we weren't. I need him now more than ever.

My old friends never talk to me anymore. Never. I only ever say hi to them whenever I see them. And I still haven't made any more friends. It just feels like everyone I know is moving on in their life and I'm just stuck, going absolutely no where.

I may not even make it into a committee for Model UN

I have to do a ton of work for a biking club, because chances are I'm going to be the president of it next year.

Don't even get me started on my work schedule

I don't know what to do.
My life just won't continue for some reason.
It's stuck.
And I feel stuck and lost

First Day in Norwegian

Just got back from my first day of Norwegian (yes, I'm learning how to speak Norwegian) and I'm upset.
VERY UPSET
So Charles, the guy I'm kind of seeing, just not publicly (that's a whole other story is in the class along with some other chick Ella who was in one of his classes last year. I remember that last year they had planned on taking Norwegian together, which upset me then and still upsets me to this day. I had already decided to take the class before I learned about this.
Anyway, I got there kind of early, and was anxious for him to walk into the class, because I figured that he had already forgotten that I was planning on taking that class. Which, if my intuition is correct, he did.
So he walks in, with her following right behind, walks right past me without even acknowledging me and proceeds to the farthest corner of the room.
The thing that upsets me is that he knew I was there, and continuously gave me some glances, but it was as if we didn't want to know that the other person glancing at them. It was strange...
I'm not really sure what to make of it.
When class was over I proceeded to rush out of the room as quickly as I can and head toward the caf where I ate alone, and I even saw them again in the caf.
For some reason I always think that an action of silence makes a point.

Well,  ha en fin dag

What my "friends" did to us at dinner

So me and my roommate, Elaine, were planning on going to dinner and thought that maybe some of our friends from last year would like to see us again. I've been tired from being cooped up for so long that I thought it would be nice to see them again (even though they aren't my favorite people in the world, but they certainly aren't the worst). Until maybe now.

Elaine texted one of them to see if they wanted to go to dinner, and she replied that she already had plans. Which, I mean is understandable and all.

Well, we then decided to go to dinner a little later. And guess who we see? All of our "friends" sitting together. I know they saw me, and they know that I saw them. And they did nothing. I still haven't heard from them.
That really makes me think that they had something against me as well. I knew they didn't like Elaine, but all of the things that they say about her are totally wrong from how I see her.

I really wished that I would have gone up to their table and confronted them.
It really would have felt great.
I'm so upset at them.
I kept telling myself that I was going to make new friends this year, and they are certainly making it easy.

Back at College

Well, I'm finally back at college and it's not exactly going how I thought it would be. It seems as though my "friends" that I had last year have abandoned me because they don't like my roommate, who was also one of their friends. I actually haven't been able to meet anyone new recently who has been a great friend to me other than my roommate. But now it's been the second day of just sitting around in my room doing nothing.
I told myself that this year was going to be different, that it would be more exciting, and that I'd meet new people and actually hang out and have fun.
So far, none of that has happened.
It sucks.
I know absolutely no one on my floor and haven't had anything to go to. It's so boring.
On the upside, I got callbacks for band auditions.
But that seems to be the only thing that's truly exciting.
It's really discouraging.

I like to be missed sometimes...

I just came back from a trip with some of my friends. I thought that at least maybe somebody would have something to say to me or some reason to contact me over that past four days, but nope.

No one tried to get, call, or message me in any way. My family didn't even try to get in touch with me. I thought maybe even Charles would, but he did unfortunately did not (even though I missed him a bunch). The only messages I had on facebook were from my sister who had hacked onto my account and posted that she was the best sister ever on it.
I was actually happy to come back and see that people had looked at my blog. And it seemed to be more people than usual, which made me pretty happy.
Which that is actually kind of sad.
I've come to the point where I need technology to prove my worth and how much people need or feel for me.
It's really sad once you think about it.

Co-ed dorms for the better?

I went on a camping trip this past weekend with a few of my close friends who go to different schools. One of my good friends, Carly, lived in a dorm last year that had co-ed floors and wings and is going to be an RA next year. And I'm the total opposite. Our dorms were separated by floors and wings. The floor I lived on was especially more secluded than the others because there was no connection between the two wings, whereas the other floors below us did connect. This made our group of about 25 girls especially more separated from everyone else.

Any way, we started talking about our college experiences, mainly our living situations and learned that being in a co-ed living space (having guys living on the same floor as girls) seemed to have less drama than and floor only having girls living on it or only exclusively guys.

There was A LOT of drama between girls on my floor last year (something I really hope doesn't happen again). It wasn't any face-to-face confrontation, it was just a lot of things unsaid that created a bias and prejudice against a group of people that is not like yourself.
I basically got wrapped up into one group because of the fact that I'm more of a geek than a preppy outgoing guy-drama filled lifestyle.

I generally try to never cling onto a type of clique or anything of that sort. I'd rather remain unbiased and accept everyone for who they are. 

But unfortunately I was stuck on a floor that had people who were less accepting of the other. I barely even said anything and yet I felt as though I was viewed as being someone I wasn't.

SO ANNOYING!!!

And then I heard about Carly's experience. And it's what I would have rather had.

There seemed to be no drama and clique-like behavior from the people she lived with, even though there were some distinction between geeks and jocks. But they all got along. No one thought that they had to live up to some expectation of what society or others felt they had to. They were just themselves. 

And that's when I started to really think that separating men and women creates even more drama than keeping them together. You'd think it'd be the opposite, but it's not!!!!

Maybe men and women are natural balancers and help tone down the drama that exists in exclusively one gender. 

Having that co-ed living situation seemed to bring about enough diversity between peoples that no more than two people were alike. And that seemed really nice. 

Well, here's hope to a better new year! (even though I still have to wait like a month)

What I love and What I like

Sometimes it seems as though no one I know really likes and cares about the same things I do.

-I get excited over the Tour de France (I'm from the United States where people would rather watch Football and untalented celebrities). - Biking is Freaking AWESOME!!!

And today was the last stage of the 100th Tour! How is that not COOL!?!?!

Congrats to Chris Froome!

When I start naming off professional cyclists, I get looks that suggest that I'm crazy. 

Andy Schleck will always be my favorite though

-I LOVE VIKINGS!!!! - Ok I'm a history nut and kind of obsessed with George Blagden, and not too many people I know really know about him (and his Awesomeness!!)

The other day there was a promo released for Season 2 (Which was Amazing!) and no one I know probably didn't even notice (even though I posted it on Facebook).

I'm totally obsessed and it feels as though no one I know knows anything about it!

I mean, come on! How is it that no one else I know is not obsessed with that!

-I love to crochet! I know that's kind of weird, and I know people do it. But not a lot of college girls I know would spend their friday nights crocheting

I'm fine with being different and unique, that's what makes me who I am!

But some understanding sometimes and similar interests between some people I know would be great as well. 

One of My Dreams

For a while now I've had this weird dream that I could be a writer. I'm not really sure where it comes from, but I've always wanted to make something incredibly captivating and something that I would be recognized and known for.
Sometimes when I get bored in classes I begin to think of stories, especially if they are connected to what we are talking about. Being a history and political science double major makes me really think about stories of the past and of the present. I LOVE combining the two!
Recently I can up with an amazing idea and I have not been able to put my pencil down, so many ideas have been coming to my head, and I may actually have an exciting interesting book at my hands!!!
Even though I've actually never gotten to the point of actually writing dialogue, I think I might be able to with this one!
Now all my friend needs to do is become an editor and I'd have everything set!

A Perfect Quote

"But who among us is perfect? Even the greatest strategists have their eclipses, and the greatest blunders, like the thickest ropes, are often compounded of a multitude of strands. Take the rope apart, separate it into the small threads that compose it, and you can break them one by one. You think, 'That is all there was!' But twist them all together and you have something tremendous."

-Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

A Quote Relatable to the Present

"It would seem that around these centres of mass-movement, the powerful machines, the huge horses of civilization devouring coal and spewing flame, the polluted earth trembles and splits open to swallow up the ancient dwellings of men and allow new ones to appear."

-Victor Hugo, Les Miserables

I personally, along with this thought, think that it is sad how technology over runs everything that is older. It removes us from a reality and forces us to accept another one. I guess that's what progress is then. 

I think that's why I like to visit different areas of time. Because those are the realities that I'd like to live in as opposed to the one I'm living in now.