My Past Month

It seems like no matter what I do recently, I don't succeed. Everything feels like it's just been shut out and away from me, out of my reach. It's not even academics that is the problem, somehow I'm doing amazing at that without even trying. I made it my goal this year to get involved in more groups and do more activities, but it's been stressful. I'm in three different band groups. Did I ever mention that I play trombone? Well, I do. I'm in Trombone Choir, Trombone Ensemble, and Wind and Percussion Ensemble (which I didn't even make it into based off of my audition, I only got into it because it conflicted with someone's schedule). That's actually probably been one of the worst things that has happened to me. For the first few weeks back, I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. The band I was placed in (the lowest one) I wasn't able to do because of my schedule. It sucked, and still does. Every time that I practise nothing sounds right, I feel like I'm getting worse, even though I continuously practise because I want to get better so I'm not in this situation again. It's incredibly frustrating to have things not work out. But the thing that annoys me the most is that I'm reminded, every time that I step foot into band, of last Spring. I wish I could go back and relive that semester all over again, I wouldn't change anything. It was perfect, absolutely perfect. I'm scared that I'm living too much in the past to enjoy the present, but there's not much to really enjoy right now.

Charles (who also plays trombone) made it into the top Orchestra. I was very proud of him, and still am. But we broke up. I saw it coming. I didn't want us to break up, and I still despise the fact that we are apart. I miss him every day. It's awful because I've spent all my summer waiting for us to be together again, but once we were able to be together, we weren't. I need him now more than ever.

My old friends never talk to me anymore. Never. I only ever say hi to them whenever I see them. And I still haven't made any more friends. It just feels like everyone I know is moving on in their life and I'm just stuck, going absolutely no where.

I may not even make it into a committee for Model UN

I have to do a ton of work for a biking club, because chances are I'm going to be the president of it next year.

Don't even get me started on my work schedule

I don't know what to do.
My life just won't continue for some reason.
It's stuck.
And I feel stuck and lost

First Day in Norwegian

Just got back from my first day of Norwegian (yes, I'm learning how to speak Norwegian) and I'm upset.
VERY UPSET
So Charles, the guy I'm kind of seeing, just not publicly (that's a whole other story is in the class along with some other chick Ella who was in one of his classes last year. I remember that last year they had planned on taking Norwegian together, which upset me then and still upsets me to this day. I had already decided to take the class before I learned about this.
Anyway, I got there kind of early, and was anxious for him to walk into the class, because I figured that he had already forgotten that I was planning on taking that class. Which, if my intuition is correct, he did.
So he walks in, with her following right behind, walks right past me without even acknowledging me and proceeds to the farthest corner of the room.
The thing that upsets me is that he knew I was there, and continuously gave me some glances, but it was as if we didn't want to know that the other person glancing at them. It was strange...
I'm not really sure what to make of it.
When class was over I proceeded to rush out of the room as quickly as I can and head toward the caf where I ate alone, and I even saw them again in the caf.
For some reason I always think that an action of silence makes a point.

Well,  ha en fin dag

What my "friends" did to us at dinner

So me and my roommate, Elaine, were planning on going to dinner and thought that maybe some of our friends from last year would like to see us again. I've been tired from being cooped up for so long that I thought it would be nice to see them again (even though they aren't my favorite people in the world, but they certainly aren't the worst). Until maybe now.

Elaine texted one of them to see if they wanted to go to dinner, and she replied that she already had plans. Which, I mean is understandable and all.

Well, we then decided to go to dinner a little later. And guess who we see? All of our "friends" sitting together. I know they saw me, and they know that I saw them. And they did nothing. I still haven't heard from them.
That really makes me think that they had something against me as well. I knew they didn't like Elaine, but all of the things that they say about her are totally wrong from how I see her.

I really wished that I would have gone up to their table and confronted them.
It really would have felt great.
I'm so upset at them.
I kept telling myself that I was going to make new friends this year, and they are certainly making it easy.

Back at College

Well, I'm finally back at college and it's not exactly going how I thought it would be. It seems as though my "friends" that I had last year have abandoned me because they don't like my roommate, who was also one of their friends. I actually haven't been able to meet anyone new recently who has been a great friend to me other than my roommate. But now it's been the second day of just sitting around in my room doing nothing.
I told myself that this year was going to be different, that it would be more exciting, and that I'd meet new people and actually hang out and have fun.
So far, none of that has happened.
It sucks.
I know absolutely no one on my floor and haven't had anything to go to. It's so boring.
On the upside, I got callbacks for band auditions.
But that seems to be the only thing that's truly exciting.
It's really discouraging.